Hello and thank you for looking at my blog and account. Currently I am fighting for a personal justice in my life. In 2012, I was the victim of a rape in my own home. The rapist was not known to me, a complete stranger. The rape took place the week before I was due surgery for a brain tumour. As you can imagine, recovering from two traumas taking place within a week of each other had a mighty effect on me. I think it is fair to say I suppressed one of those traumas whilst I dealt with the physical and mental consequences of the other, so I suppressed the rape.
Another reason for suppressing the rape was because I was raped by an immigrant who forced his way into my home having followed me home. The immigrant was of Pakistani/Indian origin. I can't say whether this man was of any religion so I won't presume he was. It was this particular trauma which completely changed my political outlook. After the attack news erupted of hundreds of young white girls across Britain having been systematically raped and groomed by Pakistani men. A key feature to these news reports were that the police and authorities did not want to intervene due to fear of violating Human Rights and acting in a racist discriminatory way. It was as I walked home and the man was grabbing at my arm demanding a kiss from me that a police car drove past. I pulled away from the stranger and waved at the police car hoping to receive help. The police car drove on and I was left alone with this threatening stranger.
History time; it was in 1984 the Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE) was passed in parliament. PACE was set up with codes of practice for stop and searches to take place. It was found that BME (Black and Minority Ethnicities) were 7 times more likely to be stop and searched than a white person. Do I think this had an impact on what happened to me that day? Possibly. Do I think PACE is necessary? Probably, with some essential tweaks.
Another news report, although receiving very little media attention was the R v Jamal Muhammed Raheem Ul Nasir judgment, where the paedophile was given a longer sentence as the victims of his assaults were Asian and of a certain race, culture and religion (Paragraph 8 of the judgement). I'm not an underage child, and what these paedophiles have done to ALL of these children is truly disgusting, but as a white woman I questioned not only if the authorities would deal with my report, but also in the unlikely case they did find the attacker, would I receive equal justice? I guess, as sickening as it sounds I wished my disability was an obvious disability, therefore perhaps I would have been treated as an equal rather than a privileged female.
I can honestly say that the police have been fantastic and done as best they can with so little information, however where I am feeling particularly let down is by the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority (CICA). They have insisted that due to having no witnesses to the rape it probably didn't happen. Ah. I'm sure I have heard about a requirement for witnesses to rape elsewhere before. Rapes are shameful acts of violence and I think it is safe to say that anyone who commits such a shameful act will commit it without an audience. I intend to take this to tribunal. I received welfare whilst dealing with the trauma and I would win £11,000 in compensation which would go back directly to the public purse. This is important because it may help someone else also dealing with PTSD.
So, the above explains my mind-set on two of the three branches of law; the executive (police and authorities) the judiciary and a little on the legislature (Government) but I would like to dive a little deeper into the social politics of this situation. It has been well documented that white women over Europe are particularly scared of coming forward after such an attack by a male of certain qualities. To start besting our chests over such things shows us to be intolerant, racist, fascists maybe even monsters. It is our duty, our job to shut up and put up and be tolerant of what is owed to us. It is also somewhat disadvantageous for me that I am what some might say a well-spoken English woman. Presumably that would give the onlooker rite of passage to presume I am privileged and therefore deserving. As it stands I live in poverty. This is the case due to long term health problems. Believe me when I say I know discrimination. I really do. But discrimination and racism have lost their meaning now. As with so many fellow women in my position I am the monster because I am the racist. OK, OK so no one has directly called me a racist but with learning about microaggressions, and presumably living in an equal society, I take all of the noted to be microaggressions towards myself judging me to be a racist.
I listen to the constant wailing from the left (the side I at one point supported) and the devaluing labels from supremacist elite whilst they go on their belittling rampages of us lower/working class folk just trying to do our best under the worst conditions. I am sickened by their supremacy, their point scoring and their virtue signalling. I have spoken a little about this on a podcast on podbean entitled 'My fight for justice: part 1' the link is on one of my posts on Mind. I also hope to discuss the subject of political correctness, social justice, feminism and many other subjects in much finer detail from a woman’s perspective who has suffered at the hands of these 'improvements'. With the tribunal still to take place I think for now it is best I keep my identity concealed. However, I hope to take this matter to YouTube in the near future. Thank you for reading.
Over the last few days I have had in small influx of supportive comments over Twitter towards my situation. Attention was drawn after Naz Shah acted in a hugely inappropriate way, liking and retweeting a post on an Owen Jones parody account, requesting victims of Pakistani grooming gangs to “Shut up in the name of diversity.” She later claimed this action was a mistake. I couldn’t help but look at her Twitter feed and what further upset me was the endless support for her from Labour MPs. I felt sickened by not only her actions, but the reaction of the Labour party, (who I have for the most part supported in the past, along with other left party’s) and also the lack of action by Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn. He was so quick to push MP Sarah Champion out of government, a woman who confronted the issue of Pakistani grooming/rape gangs.
So why does any of this matter?
Well, I can understand to some degree how mocked and offended the victims of these grooming gangs feel. I am so grateful I never went through what those poor girls suffered, however I do have a fairly good understanding as to why it is so hard to turn to the police where multicultural offences have taken place on white or majority victims. Despite feeling the usual emotions of shame, humiliation and self-hatred after being raped by an immigrant who I did not know, I felt extreme anger and resentment that there was a huge risk of arrest and questioning by police on the basis of perceived racism. My attacker was Asian.
I had to question if the risk of further humiliation and possible action against myself for racism was really worth the inevitable probability that my attacker likely will never be found. I couldn’t come to that decision until I had gone through months of therapy in the aftermath of my attack. Even after the therapy it took some time to muster up the courage to approach the police. It was Christmas eve I visited the station having spent months sobbing over the horrendous stories coming out in the media regarding the ignored grooming gang cases. It was most important I no longer carried this weight around during such a special time of the year.
I did exactly the right thing. However I understandably question if the actions of the police to take my complaint seriously was a reflection of the outburst of media stories. Never-the-less the detective on my case has been incredible. His hard work paid off and the attacker located, although not in this country.
The next stage…
I am currently putting together medical evidence and news reports to support my tribunal case. This tribunal case will ensure I receive compensation for the sexual assault against me. Unfortunately I’m being denied the compensation as so many victims are today. The tribunal case means that I’m stuck in limbo feeling more resentment and anger as I see the fast progression, absurdity and suppression of political correctness. As a victim it is excruciating to observe. The refusal for allowing me to receive compensation is because I reported the crime too late.
Despite the fact that one week after being raped I had to undergo neurological surgery to have a brain tumour removed, this reason has not been accepted. It seems these days disabled people aren’t covered by the shield of political correctness, but only race, religion, gender and sexuality. But still I fight on.
What do I hope to achieve?
Well apart from the obvious, to win my rightful compensation, it has to be recognised that like myself, the majority of the victims are vulnerable people living in low income households. This is a particular concern to me because we are unable to find the finances to pay for our own legal team. As with so many of these victims, I intend to defend myself in this tribunal. And in doing so I want to document the steps I take, the news reports I used and any other relevant information I can provide to perhaps help someone, anyone gain some extra knowledge and understanding about what they next have to go through. I did turn to charities, but I found them to pass me on to other people within the organisation. It all seemed so chaotic, perhaps due to underfunding? For myself the best and only option is to fight this alone to the bitter end.
So back to that small influx of supporters on Twitter…
I have been very much alone through this experience. Those who I confided in left me. Now too scared to speak up in real life I’m speaking only through a screen. It has helped me deal with my emotions on the controversial political ideologies flying around at present. But most of all, I’m now finally getting the support I so desperately need. The fleeting second it takes for you to retweet my story, the momentary like and the simple acknowledgement that you know I’m hurting, you care that I’m struggling and quite frankly the obvious sign that you just give a shit. It matters to me. More than you can ever imagine. So please, don’t ever underestimate your support. It means the world to me.