I have revealed I have a young son on my Angry Foreigner interview. I'm quite keen to keep him private, due to the sensitive discussions I am having about my own experiences. For me, single parenthood wasn't something I ever wanted but if I think about all the unfortunate instances that have happened it can feel very overwhelming and I think in those cases people may be prone to sinking into a deep depression, or at the very least feel immense self-pity. For me, although I’m aware of the unfortunate circumstances I have had to face, it is important to address them individually and with plenty of time between each obstacle I have faced. Addressing them as the individual circumstances for which they are helps me personally rationalise everything.
On another level, I don’t wish to place emotional opinions upon my son with regards to his father as I don’t believe that is mentally healthy for anyone, so all I have to say on this is that my son has a healthy relationship with us both and I expect that will be maintained throughout his life as he is loved very much by us both. Unfortunately, this situation wasn’t to be a tradition I had hoped for, but I got a beautiful son out of this situation regardless. As an alternative for this lost tradition I have turned to a faith school which will teach good traditional values, despite my atheism. Faith schools are however the latest target of the left. I believe there are likely many single parents who are disappointed with their inability to provide the traditional family and hope to turn to faith schools for the same reason. These faith schools are threatened by the left to be removed from society and they are also being pressured to embrace the transgender ideology into their system. Something else I hoped to divert by choosing a faith school, however this one hasn’t been affected as of yet.
To briefly explain the situation, myself and my son’s dad had planned to get married and have a family. Pregnancy was something I was cautious of due to my own health being an epileptic, but I had been reassured it would be okay for me to go through with pregnancies with the correct planning and medical attention. The plan was to get married and have our family and we were engaged at the time. It took a year of planning with regards to correcting the medication in preparation for the pregnancy and the medical professionals were confident the seizures would subside during pregnancy. We conceived almost immediately after all the preparation before we got married. Unfortunately, the seizures during pregnancy became worse, to the point where I was experiencing seizures every 15 minutes. It was a scary time for both myself and my partner and no doubt added immense stress to our relationship. Regardless, I gave birth to a premature boy three weeks early by C-section. He weighed a healthy 8lb even though he was 3 weeks premature so I imagine full term he would have been so big I would have struggled giving birth to him. The relationship fell apart for many reasons, many external and we were no longer able to continue the fun-loving relationship we had previously enjoyed. I found myself as a single mother and he found himself to be a weekend dad. Something neither of us intended.
In this post I want to concentrate on my own pain as ‘the single mother’ and the judgements that label brings with it within society today. The label provides humiliation from both the left and the right of politics. I perceive both sides as seeing themselves as particularly virtuous providing no room for human error whilst simultaneously excusing their own human errors. This is likely why I have never held any political loyalty throughout my life but always sought to look deeper. But before I approach a deeper level of searching I always think it is important to introduce the surface level of myself and who I am.
Through the left I experience pity from those who are social justice and who like to provide excuses and support, often for their own ego. Some feminists go as far as to say they deliberately set out to be single mothers because children don’t need fathers. I somehow expect this is a defensive reaction to the fear that they realise they may have to resort to science or lone adoption to gain their family. Nothing wrong with that but to me it proves a sense of anxiety that the traditional family will not happen for them. I say defensive reaction because we can all reject the basic idea of the family, but the very basic idea of the traditional family almost seems unobtainable to many these days with the pressure of finding income to pay bills and the necessity to work exhaustively to achieve mass consumerism.
I do not agree that single parenthood should be something society should aspire to. I do not believe it is helpful for pitying social justice fiends and feminists to be overly praising single parents. For me it sets a tone and an unhealthy, financially suicidal tone. I always notice how these feminists are high achievers, and I applaud them for achieving in such a competitive world, but it really isn’t wise to discredit the very basics of a family, just because you have the financial means to disregard it. It is these people who claim they are representing single motherhood. Well don’t! Please don’t claim feminism on behalf of single mothers. We don’t all agree with your notions. Please don’t claim to be a representative of single mothers. You’re not! Most single mothers are switching off their heating when their children go and visit their fathers and sitting in the cold under blankets. We are living on cheese on toast and eating the left overs of our children’s meals. Single mothers as a whole do not live the life you pretend we do.
Most single mothers are within the working poor, just like myself. But the working poor mother’s voices are silenced in preference of those who are successful such as JK Rowling. It is almost an encouragement to young influential girls that they can have it all without the help or support of a man. I wholeheartedly disagree. From my experience a man is an essential part of the family unit not only for financial help but for consistency, a child's need for love on demand and reassurance. I watch the left promoting single parenthood as if it is a breeze. It isn’t. These fashionable, successful single mothers are not the rule but instead the exception. They likely have a traditional family upbringing and supportive parents who help them. I encourage all women not to get absorbed by this falsehood of the single mother life. The traditional family, the very basic necessity is by far the most ideal circumstances so please don’t be swept away by the fairy-tale stories and aspire for this life.
And what about the right? Well they are tough on us. Really tough. Which is probably why these leftie ‘representatives’ feel the need to come out and celebrate single parenthood. They likely feel defensive and protective of their own identity. So how is the right so harsh? Well as if single parenthood isn’t tough enough, I have to deal with their obvious and loudly sounded disapproval. The judgemental accusations were difficult to cope with at first. They aren’t statements of fact made to your face but rather statements of assumptions made through whispers amongst like minded conservatives for the most part. Those who do speak to single mothers vocally offend so many because they use generalisations and statistics to represent an individual. Those representations are often hateful generalisations such as “psychopaths”, “welfare scroungers” or something of the like. Widows are not frowned upon. Mothers who are victims of rape are never mentioned. Are victims of rape meant to marry their rapist to gain approval from the right? What about abuse within the family? Is that to be suffered for the sake of strict conservative values? The inflexible expectation of humans within the right is one of the most off-putting aspects of the right for me. This expectation is now becoming more apparent in the left with their regime like legalities to prevent hurt feelings. Has this been in retaliation to the inflexibility of the right? Both sides have become much more extreme in recent times. A more evident war exists between the two sides than ever before. And we still have migrants, mass rapes and wars to contend with.
I’m disappointed in my life position as it is now. I’m disappointed that I didn’t manage to achieve the seemingly attainable family I had thought that one day I might. Having said that, I would like to embrace that disappointment without the left making excuses for me. I feel better for admitting that disappointment, so why is it so hard for the some left to allow me to do this? Could it be that they want to pretend throughout their life that they have never experienced disappointment in themselves? Is feeling disappointment in yourself a prospect so many want to avoid? Is it somehow wrong? Even when really all you are doing is accepting it and moving on. Why would this be? As for the right, I feel the rigid inability to accept human error is leading us morally into the equivalent of a hard core Islamic society. If that were to be the case, then why the hell aren’t these radicals welcoming Islam as part of this extreme conservative movement? It is no wonder as I explain my concerns regarding the world today, I end up with more questions than answers. But to reiterate, I am disappointed I couldn’t provide my son with the seemingly achievable, but I am okay with saying that, and I don’t need excuses made on my behalf.